Saturday, May 5, 2012

My Cholecystectomy: 2 Days Later

I am not doing as well as I had hoped. My decision Wednesday night was to wake up feeling 90% on Thursday morning. It didn't happen. It also didn't happen Friday morning.

Acetaminophen is considered to be a safe painkiller while pregnant and breastfeeding. I believe that is because it lacks an active ingredient. I don't feel that it makes a dent in the pain. To be fair, the pain is not overwhelming. The problem is the type of pain. It is the pain of damage.

We all know there are different types of pain. Some is good, like muscle soreness after a workout or the release into a deep stretch. Some pain can hurt a lot but not be troublesome because it is transient, like a stubbed toe or tension headache. But some pain comes from damage. And that is a type of pain that bothers me. Because I never know how bad the damage is.

I have four small incisions. They don't look like much to me. In fact, I feel like a baby complaining because it look like it should be no big deal. But the truth is they hurt. And itch. And every time my baby kicks or bucks against my abdomen I am terrified that more damage is being done.

Part of me forgets that I had major surgery. All surgery where you are put under general anesthesia is major. I was sliced open, gas was pumped into me, part of my body was cut out and the dangling bits were reattached. It's a big deal.

The second worry I have is that the problem wasn't fixed. I had an idea that this surgery would fix all my abdominal pain. While I realize that I am still healing, I don't think that prayer will be realized. The sensation on having my stomach inflated is still there. It is painful and worrisome. Thoughts about my family members lost to cancers of the pancreas and stomach keep surfacing, no matter how ridiculous I feel thinking them.

Right now the truth is that I am disheartened and frightened. I don't want to live the rest of my life in pain. Neither do I want my life to be cut short. All I can do right now is pray that tomorrow will be better.
My belly button, again.

Here are the other posts in this series:
Part 1: My Cholecystectomy: Scheduled

Part 2: My Cholecystectomy: The Hospital & First Day

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